Posts Tagged ‘rant’


Red Dawn – What the hell?

November 3, 2012


I wasn’t going to say anything about the remake of Red Dawn, but fuck it.

I’m not even entirely sure where to start here. So, the premise of the original was Cubans and Soviet Russians airdropped into America’s back yard with the successful aim of taking over the country. That’s a movie I can watch. That’s something I can turn my suspension of disbelief on for. Especially when it’s coming at a time when the Soviet system is stumbling hard and they might try one last-ditch sneak attack, AKA 1984.

And then you have Red Dawn 2012, in which North Korea-stop. Just…just stop right there for a minute. I’m going to repeat that premise, because it bears repetition. North Korea. Invades. The United States. And wins.


This is the exact same problem I had with the game Homefront. I’m going to start in on this from just a purely technological viewpoint. In fact, my technological argument can be summed up in one image.


You see that space between Seoul and southern China there that has exactly one light on? They’re the ones who are supposed to invade the United States and take it over. North Korea, the country with one light bulb. North Korea, the country that hasn’t invaded anybody with any real degree of success since 1950 (The 8th Army retreat doesn’t count, that was China). North Korea…third funny thing.

And the premise of the original only really worked out because at that point in time, the Soviet Union was still a juggernaut who a fair portion of Americans thought might actually drop the bomb any day now because they had nothing left to lose. Cuba and Nicaragua were really the only two Marxist powers in the West, but there’s no way they could have invaded independent of Soviet influence.

As for now, the only Marxist juggernaut left out there is China. Cuba’s got two Castros (one pushing ninety and the other five years younger) and a bunch of cars from the fifties, Venezuela has a potato-faced president who called Gadaffi “[A] great fighter, a revolutionary and martyr.”, and North Korea…well, that whole country is apparently run on a single potato battery. China’s the only real Communist threat out there, and I doubt they’ll attack directly because we buy all their cheaply made crap.

And now we come to the core reason that North Korea instead of China is attacking in the remake. China has more than four times the population of the United States and they like to watch movies over there, too. And what makes it worse, what pushes it over a line from confusing to downright racist is that all the changes they made were in post-production, consisting mostly of changing symbols from Chinese to North Korean. Because all Asians are the same, amirite? (Again, I am not right.) This is what the film’s producer said about the change:

“We were initially very reluctant to make any changes, but after careful consideration we constructed a way to make a scarier, smarter and more dangerous Red Dawn that we believe improves the movie”

BULL. FUCKING. SHIT. You changed the invading army from Chinese to North Korean because North Korea only has one movie theater, and it’s in Kim Jong-Un’s house.

It didn’t have to be like this. Here’s, in my mind, what should happen if you need a Communist enemy after the fall of Communism. ALTERNATE HISTORY DAT SHIT. Seriously. Set up a timeline where Communism never fell. Make the United State the sole holdout against a worldwide wave of Socialism. Because that’s how to make Communists scary again. They have to be poised for global conquest or it just doesn’t work. Hell, even the original Red Dawn started with a spoonful of alt-history, what with almost all of Western Europe withdrawing from NATO and a Communist revolution in Mexico. None of that happened in real life, but it does set up a world where it feels normal for Americans to be scared of the Soviets. Really, when you’re dealing with Communists, it’s kind of an all-or-nothing proposal. It’s got to be the Russian Bear or nothing.

Man, it felt good to bitch about a movie online again!



Current Events: Embassy Attacks & Mitt Romney

September 14, 2012

I’m going to start off with the attacks on the United States embassy and consulate, because that’s really the headline here. As you’re probably aware by now, late last Tuesday (this is local time, as far as the attacks are concerned) twelve protesters from a crowd of thousands scaled the walls of the United States embassy in Cairo, where they tore down the United States flag and raised a black one inscribed with the shahada. At ten P.M., an attack that has since come to be described as “al-Qaeda style” took place on the United States consulate in Benghazi, in which the US ambassador to Libya was killed, as were more than a dozen other diplomatic personnel.

It’s never easy to offer someone condolences on the death of a loved one. Especially in a situation like this, and with me in the position that I’m in. I’ve never had anyone come anywhere close to being in the line of fire like this, so I can’t even pretend to know what the families of the diplomats killed in these attacks are going through. But what I can say is this: These people who have been murdered so far away from home are some of the bravest people outside the military. They went to a foreign land to help an emerging democracy, and I can think of no better way to serve not only your country but all countries.

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Current Events: Todd Akin Controversy

August 24, 2012

I’m going to tell you right now, I did not intend for this to be its own post. See, I initially put this in the third part of my SimCity Retrospective, buuut, the segment started growing out of control the deeper down the rabbit hole I went. Also, being the second post in a week to lead off with political matters struck me as kind of bad form. So, SURPRISE, NEW CATEGORY!

Now, this segment is never going to get off the ground if I’m not up front with you. So, let my lay my cards on the table. I am a lifelong Democrat; I believe that government should, at the best of times be able to help people who need it while keeping everyone safe, and should at the worst of times just not screw up things to the point where it can’t be fixed. But above that, I believe that it is everyone’s right to hold their own opinion. It might not be mine, and I might disagree with it, but it’s your right as a person to hold it and to espouse it, in a civil and non-inflammatory way.

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The New Facebook Timeline Format: Eeah?

January 25, 2012

Before anyone asks, I’m working on the Carny review through a cold, but it will be up. But since I saw about the new Facebook format on the news (By the way, great journalistic focus, guys), so I decided to check it out.

It’s alright.

Admittedly, I don’t really have any stake in this – I really only use Facebook for some of the games – but I really don’t see what all the hate is about. Sure, it’s maybe a little more clunky having a line with posts attached to either side as opposed to the individual posts, but it’s honestly not that bad.

It’s part of human nature to be averse to change. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. I happen to think it works this time, but you’re more than welcome to think otherwise. That’s what freedom is all about.


Whitehouse Will Not Support SOPA, Congress Backpedals Hard

January 16, 2012

The internet is fucking awesome.

Stop Online Piracy Act, or SOPA, has been shelved in the senate because people on the internet were willing to stand up and say “No. This is not how America works.” Six GOP congressmen who supported SOPA from the beginning have now backpedaled, calling for it to be delayed to allow a review of the bill. They cited concerns of their constituents as the reason.

That’s you guys.

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) pulled his support from SOPA after Reddit launched a campaign to raise money for his opponent, who also opposes SOPA. The campaign raised more than fifteen thousand dollars in less than two days. He has since decided to oppose SOPA.

You guys again.

Lamaar Smith (R-TX), the sponsor of the bill, has removed one of the most controversial portions of the bill, dealing with DNS blocking (The same method used in the Great Firewall of China and against the protesters in Iran…holy shit, three years ago), from the bill. Due again to backlash from constituents and industry groups.

Still you guys.

And finally, The White House has formally announced that the president will not support the bill, saying in an official blog post that “While we believe that online piracy by foreign websites is a serious problem that requires a serious legislative response, we will not support legislation that reduces freedom of expression, increases cyber security risk, or undermines the dynamic innovative global Internet.” The White House took this stance because of petitions on the White House’s petition website, We The People, one of them with nearly sixty thousand signatures.

The internet is fucking awesome.

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Politics? Oh noooooooo

December 7, 2011

Yeah, I’m going to say something political now. So, if you’re not that into politics, or if you just aren’t interested in what I have to say politically, you’re excused from this portion of the blog. I’ll have another part of the SimCity 4 LP up later this week.

Everyone else gone? Good. So, PROTECT IP. If you like this site for any reason, or if you like let’s plays, or whatever those clips of anime set to music are called, or video memes, or youtube in general, please, either call or write your representatives in congress and tell them to vote against this bill. And for God’s sake, don’t coddle them. Being nice hasn’t worked for decades, it’s not likely to work now. You’ve got to tell them you’re pissed, and if they don’t take a stand we’ll replace them with someone who will.

If you need to find out how to contact them, there’s a listing at

I now return you to your regularly scheduled internet browsing.

EDIT: Holy shit, you guys! You guys, holy shit! The Stop Online Piracy Act (the senate counterpart to PIPA) went before the Judiciary Committee on the 15th, and because of the internet outcry it did not make it to a vote. In fact, because of people writing and calling their congress members, more than twenty amendments to the bill had to be voted on before they got to the bill at large. These amendments took so long that they couldn’t get to it before the winter recess! Not only that, but companies supporting the bill have withdrawn their support because the backlash made it toxic. To quote, Internet, you are awesome.

SOPA and PIPA are winded, but they’re not beat yet. Round 2 starts January 5th.


Why I’m Bummed About The New GoldenEye

November 21, 2011

Back in…1999 or 2000, somewhere about there, I was given GoldenEye 007 for the N64 as a birthday gift. By this point, I’d already rented it at least half a dozen times, if not more. I loved the game, it must have been the only one I’d played for weeks (now that I think about it, that game might be why my grades went down towards the end of middle school going into high school). It was my first taste of local multiplayer, too. I’d played games before, but with GoldenEye it felt like my first time all over again.

And that paragraph right there, those four sentences and one parenthetical, is why I can’t get excited about the new one. I am physically and mentally incapable of genuine excitement about this game. I’ve seen the gameplay, and the game looks very, very good. I have nothing to complain about with this game, aside from the changed story. The visuals are great, the action is fantastic, and if it were any other game, even if they just made it a generic Bond game, I’d be so fucking there.

But because of my history with the original, I’d never be able to enjoy this. There would always be a filter over my experience colored by the N64.