Posts Tagged ‘18th’

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Review: Super Mario World

August 18, 2012

Alright, just very quickly before I begin the review, I have some business of a political matter to take care of. I do not like Mitt Romney’s choice of Paul Ryan as the presumptive Vice Presidential nominee, and it’s not on any sort of political or ideological grounds (although yes there are differences). It’s mainly the fact that his surname is also my given name, so I have to spend the next two months involuntarily eavesdropping on people to find out if they’re talking about the election or if they’re addressing me. So that’s going to be fun.

So, on to Super Mario World. This was probably (Don’t have a photographic memory. Wish I did.) the first console game I ever played. I qualify that because slightly before I got the Super Nintendo, I got a Game Boy, back when I was, oh, probably seven or eight years old. And Super Mario World is the game that came bundled with the Super Nintendo.

I am going to be completely honest with you. Truth time. I have never actually finished Super Mario World. I don’t know what exactly it was about it, but I could never really stay focused on the game. I don’t even think there was anything about the gameplay that turned me off. The story was kind of…well, basic, although I will say that going through the different castles and the ! switches were kind of a nice touch. I don’t know. I just never got excited about the game. It was more just something to do when I was bored instead of a goal in and of itself.

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Review: Haunted Prison

January 18, 2012

Let me preface this by saying that I caught the last few minutes of a movie called Phantom Racer that ended with the stock car racing equivalent of Christine being loaded by a fork lift into a car crusher. And now, the world’s most obvious joke in this circumstance.

♫He tried to kill me with a fork lift! Olé!♫

The movie starts with a group of kids making a documentary about the prison at Isla de la Roca. The former guard that they’re interviewing tells them that a riot started after one of the guards went off the deep end and shot an inmate in his cell. And then one of the guards opened the cells, probably due to being a fucking moron.  As he’s running from the prisoners, he dumps containers of flamible liquid, lights it, and tries to hide in the gas chamber. He is forced to cut off his own legs with a fire axe to get the door closed.

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Review: Alvin and the Chipmunks – Chipwrecked

December 18, 2011

Another movie in theaters!? I know; It’s a Christmas miracle! Today it’s Chipwrecked, the third Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.

Again, I’m going to try to do a synopsis without giving away too much. The Chipmunks, The Chipettes, and Dave are taking a cruise before they’re to perform at a music awards ceremony. The trip goes…eh…less than smoothly. Mainly due to Alvin’s antics. Antics that eventually get both trios, Dave, and former manager Ian Hawke stranded on a desert island.

There they find a castaway who references Castaway, and spend their time on the island alternately trying to survive and searching for Dave. Dave, meanwhile spends his time looking for the trios and dealing with Ian’s bitterness. Oh, and the entire time Ian is wearing a pelican suit, having been forced to work for the cruise line after losing The Chipmunks, The Chipettes, and passing on Justin Bieber twice.

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Review: The Day The Earth Stood Still and True Crime: Los Angeles

March 18, 2011

So the interview I had today went a lot better than I expected. But I’ll cover that later. Suffice it to say that I managed to not throw up or any number of other disgusting biological functions.

So, now that a good portion of you are disgusted, let’s get to the review! The Day The Earth Stood Still was made in 1951, and it still stands today as one of the foremost examples of the B-movie. A spaceship lands in the middle of the President’s Park Elipse, just south of the White House. Out comes Klaatu, saying he’s on a goodwill mission, but the army takes the Jim West approach to diplomacy: shoot first, shoot again, shoot some more, and then when everybody’s dead try to ask a question or two. One of the soldiers wounds him, and he busts the viewer that he brought for the President. His robot Gort gets pissed and disintegrates all the weapons.

They take him to an army hospital and put him under heavy guard, but he still manages to escape anyway. He gets to a nearby boarding house where he pretends to be a man named Mr. Carpenter. There he meets Helen Benson, a widow of World War II, and her son, Bobby. Naturally, being the loving parent she is, she leaves her son with the mysterious stranger who showed up the day that an alien ship landed.

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