Posts Tagged ‘15th’

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Review: Pumpkinhead – Blood Feud

January 15, 2012

So, yeah. A day late on this one, but don’t blame me, blame Fable III for being awesome. And me for being lazy.

I think, before we get into the actual film, we need a little background on Pumpkinhead.

The first film, aptly titled Pumpkinhead, was released in 1988, with the general plot that campers run over Lance Hendriksen’s son. He takes his son to a local witch, the son comes back as the titular Pumpkinhead and proceeds to murder the campers.

The second, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings has precisely fuck all to do with the first. A bunch of dumbass teens find an evil spell and resurrect Pumpkinhead, who proceeds to turn on them and the townspeople. And Roger Clinton plays the mayor of the town for some reason. Yes, as in brother of former president Bill Clinton. A game followed, Bloodwings: Pumpkinhead’s Revenge, which itself had fuck all to do with the movie. I can’t give you any more information about the game because I don’t condone torture.

A third, Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes completely ignored the events of the second, dealing primarily with a mortician who harvests organs of the deceased and dumps them in the swamp, and the Pumpkinhead-reanimated corpse of Lance Hendriksen.

Which brings us to this week’s film, Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud.

The movie starts out with two people on dirtbikes fleeing from what I assume to be Pumpkinhead because of the red filter in the shots. One of the men hits a log in the road and the fireworks that he was apparently carrying in his engine go off, setting the bike on fire. He is then set upon by Pumpkinhead in what have to be the worst special effects I’ve seen since Silent Night, Deadly Night and its sequel, while an ill-defined third man in a cabin in a equally ill-defined location feels everything Pumpkinhead puts the downed biker through.

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Coming Attractions: Late December

December 15, 2011

It feels good getting back into the swing of things after only having two reviews in the past month and a half or so. Without further ado, here’s what’s coming up in the rest of December.

Late this Saturday/Early morning Sunday: The Love Guru, a film that Daniel Tosh realistically joked about not attending the premier for, despite being in the film.

Mid-Week next week: Worms Reloaded, which explores the deeper issues of morality and cost surrounding war. Ha! Just kidding. You blow up worms with other worms.

Christmas Eve: Finally Part 3 of Let’s Play SimCity 4!

After Christmas: Anything I get for Christmas.

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Super Late Ass Review: Back to the Future Part III and Episode III: Citizen Brown

July 18, 2011

Alright, let’s get down to business. We’re all here for one reason, and that’s to tie up the trilogy in suitably epic fashion. Before I start, though, there are just a few things I want to say about Part III. Now, it’s nothing against Gale and Zemeckis, but I never really understood the whole idea of the genre shift in this one. And after the way the first two parts dealt mainly with a sixty year time span (1955, 1985, 2015),  it’s only more jarring the way that we spend almost the entirety of this movie a century from where we left. And adding to the problem, the movie always feels rushed to me, despite it’s hour and fifty-three minute run time, although that could just be a natural effect of the nostalgia filter and a secret desire to not see the series end.

Anyway, nevermind all that, let’s get on to the story!

We open on the clock tower scene that is in both other movies (with good reason), picking up at the end of part II. The Delorean hits the wire and disappears in a flash of light, leaving only twin fire trails and celebratory Doc Brown behind. And then, Marty (that is, the Marty who came to 1955 to keep Biff from becoming all-powerful in 1985A) rounds the corner, tells Doc that he’s come back from the future, at which Doc promptly passes out in shock. Marty drives him home in Doc’s Packard, starts a fire in the fireplace, and puts their socks and shoes (and the note that 1985 Doc sent Marty from 1885) in front of it to dry.

When Doc wakes at seven (thanks to the TV that Marty left on), he begins to record his notes about sending the Delorean back, until the immediate aftermath which he can’t remember. When Marty wakes up and gathers Doc’s letter to show him, 1955!Doc completely loses it and begins treating Marty like he did in the first movie, even back to calling him “Future boy”. Marty has to explain the events of the second half of Part II to Doc through the door to convince him, and eventually shows him the letter. 1985!Doc reveals through his letter that he has set up a blacksmith shop as a front to try to repair the time circuits, but was unable due to a lack of proper replacement parts.

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Review: Postal and Tunnel Rats

April 15, 2011

I’ve been putting off starting this review all week. Some of you might be wondering why. Then, perhaps you are not familiar with Uwe Boll. Let’s compare some of his films with their IMDB ratings.

So it’s fair to say that Hitchcock, he ain’t. In fact, his highest-rating game adaptation is…Postal, the movie I’m reviewing this week. I swear to you, I didn’t know that when I chose this back in March. I did know that I wanted to devote an entire week to this man. Now that the basics are covered, let’s move on to Uwe Boll Suckfest ’11!

There is absolutely no way to get around this. No way to soften this at all, or metaphor I can use. Postal begins with American Airlines Flight 11 crashing into the North Tower of the World Trade Center. And the scene is completely irrelevant. It could be completely removed from the film without impacting the narrative in any way. That…actually hurt to write. It’s like Uwe just punched me in the stomach. I’m three minutes and thirty-one seconds into this movie, and I am absolutely convinced that Uwe Boll is a real-life troll.

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