Posts Tagged ‘12th’


Indie Hell: A Pimp RPG

September 12, 2013

It’s been a while, huh.

Well, I can explain the lack of updates very easily. I ran out of ideas.

But, I have since discovered the vast wasteland that is the Xbox 360’s Indie Game section. Holy shit.

So tonight, I would like to talk about  A Pimp RPG.

In a technical sense, it’s not bad. For something made by an enthusiast in their spare time, the engine works pretty well.  There aren’t any major hitches.

And then there’s the content.

Holy Shit.

Let’s start with the player character: a black gangster, likely straight from Poser, with a huge afro, named Daddy K. And the first thing you see is Daddy K surrounded by three women in a splash screen that states “No hos were harmed in the making of this game.” Also, your contact throughout the trial is a woman named Queen Mateefuh, who will give you pin striped pants and a shiv in return for two sets of platinum “grillz”, and then sends you off to kill some dude who is trying to join a gang.

Oh, and the description for said “grillz” is “Look at those teef sparkle!”

I swear to God, I didn’t make a word of that up.

Look, it’s pretty clear that this game is supposed to be satire (or maybe that’s just what I’m telling myself to keep from going into a wordless rage and crawling through a plate glass window), but it goes a little overboard. There is a fine line between satire and just complete tone-deafness (called Poe’s Law), and I can’t figure out which side of the line this comes down on. It takes Blaxploitation movies from the ’70s and Final Fantasy-style, turn-based RPGs, puts them in a blender with not enough of a smiling wink (and I seriously need the satire option to be the right one, for the sake of my mental health) and put it up on Xbox Live.

So in short, if you want your brain to continue functioning in an effective and proper manner, don’t download this.


They scrapped Freedom Fighters 2 for what?

February 12, 2011

Back in 2004, a good friend of mine got me a copy of Freedom Fighters for my birthday. I loved it. It was one of the most fun games I’ve ever played. The story was one of the best I’ve ever seen in a shooter, the artificial intelligence is still among the best in gaming, the squad system would make Ghost Recon 2 envious, and the music makes you feel like you’re in the middle of a Russian invasion, with propaganda speakers spewing out these grandiose Soviet orchestral scores.

The game had flaws, sure. Despite the general quality of the AI, the enemy would sometimes charge straight at you. The level design is a little boxy, and it might just be the most triumphant example of the absurdly spacious sewer. Sequel talk started the year after the original came out, and in 2010 someone from VG24/7 asked IO director Karsten Lund about FF2.

“No comment.”

That basically tells me that Freedom Fighters 2 is never coming out, or at least not until Gearbox buys the rights to make it. So let’s take a look at what they dumped Freedom Fighters for. Kane & Lynch. Kane. And. Fucking. Lynch. This is the game that got a Gamespot editor fired because he was willing to call this series what it is: average. Jeff Gerstman gave it a 6.0, which clashed with the fat sacks of cash money that Eidos was giving Gamespot to pimp out this train wreck. And I completely stand by the train wreck comment, along with the gaming community at, giving the game a D- for the 360 version, acknowledged to be the better of the two.

And so, facing mixed reviews for a game that they poured thousands of hours into creating and even more money pimping, what do you think they did? Well, you know already because they already did it. Instead of making a sequel for a game with an 80+ score on metacritic and and an A rating on, they made Kane & Lynch: Dog Days, a four hour long abortion that should have been a ten dollar DLC.

If it seems like this really bothers me, that’s because it does. This pisses me right the fuck off. Every time I think about it, the only question running through my head is “What the fuck were they thinking?” It’s incomprehensible that a production company would fuck up this badly. But it happened.