Archive for the ‘Movie Trailer Questions’ Category

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Questions I Had While Watching Movie Trailers: Battleship

July 30, 2011

Battleship? Really? This is a real thing, that real companies spent real money writing, casting, and shooting? This isn’t just some kind of elaborate prank played on the American moviegoing audience by Universal Pictures?

Aannnnd now there are aliens. Is every science fiction movie just Transformers now? I mean, a standard movie about a war on the seas would have been enough, wouldn’t it?

You know, I’m convinced now. Michael Bay has forever and irrevocably tainted all of Hollywood. From here on out science fiction is all style and no substance.

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Questions I Had While Watching Movie Trailers: X-Men First Class

May 10, 2011

Do we really need another super-hero movie prequel, Hollywood? And again, it’s the X-Men.

And another movie with the general plot of “people who are enemies used to be friends”. Did everyone in Hollywood have the part of their brain that comes up with ideas removed?

Okay. No. You know what, no. Until you brought the Cuban Missile Crisis and John F. Kennedy into this, I could have rolled with this. Sure, what I listed are annoying, but they’re not complete deal breakers. Let’s not lose scope here, this is a movie about a series of comic books. Watchmen was the only movie that’s worked for so far, and that’s because Vietnam was involved in setting off a chain of events that led to the comic.

Wow. That, uh…I know I’m being kind of harsh on this point, but it just annoys the ever-loving fuck out of me, because I really like Marvel. And I really like the X-Men series, and at this point, I just can’t imagine how this movie is going to be good. Hell, I even enjoyed the Wolverine prequel, even though they completely fucked up Deadpool. It’s…I want these movies to be good, I really do. And when they go and shit something like this out, it-it just pisses me off.

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Questions I Had While Watching Movie Trailers: Fast Five

April 7, 2011

Why Rio De Janeiro? It seems like an awfully long drive from…Generic Urban Cityscape, USA to 2/3rds of the way down South America.

Vin Diesel’s character just set a pile of money on fire. When, exactly, did he become Heath Ledger’s portrayal of The Joker?

Didn’t these movies used to be about street racing?

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is in this movie. I didn’t know he was still acting.

“This just went from mission impossible to mission in-freakin’-sanity.” Who were the writers for this movie? How do you write a line like that and not immediately become nauseous? Are these writers still working today, and if so, how? How does someone live with themselves after deciding, “Yes. This is the best thing that he can say at this moment.”?

They dropped a sports car off the back of a flatbed truck. When did this franchise become the game Spy Hunter?

When did this group start robbing banks? HOW WOULD YOU EVEN PULL THE VAULT OUT OF THE BANK?

Why does Hollywood keep making these movies?

If you can answer any of these questions, please don’t. I don’t really want to know, because the answers would likely cause my brain to splatter like a watermelon at a Gallagher show.