Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category


Zimmerman found Not Guilty

July 14, 2013

I really don’t know what to say at a time like this. I am- This is… Anger and sadness are blocking me from forming coherent thoughts.

It’s times like this that I really miss Hunter S. Thompson. And I’ll tell you why. Because separated from all of his vices (and there were a lot of them), he always had a knack for getting at The Truth, and he’d tell it to you in the most blunt terms possible.

I wish… that I could channel even a tenth of his writing talent so I could put into words what I’m feeling right now.

Because there is a barely seventeen year old kid lying dead in the ground, and the man who admitted shooting him gets to go home tonight a free man. The jury of six decided that a twenty-eight year old man who left his vehicle to follow someone, not only had the right to use deadly force but was justified in doing so.

You know, in America, we’re told from a very young age that we have to respect trial by jury. That everyone has the right to have a group of red-blooded, God-fearing Americans hear both sides of a case and that Justice will be done. Most of the time, the way that gets interpreted is that the jury can do no wrong, and that juries are made up of infallible, omniscient superbeings.

The fatal flaw with that theory, of course, is that once someone is on a jury they’re still as mortal as they ever were.

Moreso, probably, if they’re sequestered. Nothing will drain the life from your very bones faster than an extended stay away from home and loved ones.

I’ve started wandering off topic; the point I’m getting at is that juries can, and have been shown to, make mistakes. Rodney King, O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony.

It’s about forty-five minutes later now than when I started writing, and it doesn’t feel like I’ve said much at all. But I’ll leave you with a quote from HST: “The time has come to get deeply into Football. It is the only thing we have left that ain’t fixed.”


Ain’t That A Bitch: NFL Fantasy Football

December 30, 2012

So, yeah. Been a while. There’s a little background for this one. Last season, I wound up second after being intensely involved in the league. I made a spreadsheet of the players I was hoping to get in the draft. I was making changes to the lineup once, maybe twice a week based on how I thought the players would preform next week. That level of dedication got me second place my first real time out.

This year, on the other hand, I did absolutely nothing. I didn’t participate in the draft, with all of my players picked by the computer. And I didn’t change around my roster at all. You know where I wound up? Before I tell you, go find a pen and paper or pull up a text editor and write down your guess for where I wound up in a field of twelve. I’ll give you some time.









Ready? Fourth. I wound up fourth. By doing absolutely nothing.

If I’d scored three more points in last week’s game, I would have won the league.

I…I’m not even how that happens. Think about that for a moment. A team whose owner and head coach is completely uninvolved in any of the processes running the team goes on to first place in the league.

Ain’t that a bitch?


Red Dawn – What the hell?

November 3, 2012


I wasn’t going to say anything about the remake of Red Dawn, but fuck it.

I’m not even entirely sure where to start here. So, the premise of the original was Cubans and Soviet Russians airdropped into America’s back yard with the successful aim of taking over the country. That’s a movie I can watch. That’s something I can turn my suspension of disbelief on for. Especially when it’s coming at a time when the Soviet system is stumbling hard and they might try one last-ditch sneak attack, AKA 1984.

And then you have Red Dawn 2012, in which North Korea-stop. Just…just stop right there for a minute. I’m going to repeat that premise, because it bears repetition. North Korea. Invades. The United States. And wins.


This is the exact same problem I had with the game Homefront. I’m going to start in on this from just a purely technological viewpoint. In fact, my technological argument can be summed up in one image.


You see that space between Seoul and southern China there that has exactly one light on? They’re the ones who are supposed to invade the United States and take it over. North Korea, the country with one light bulb. North Korea, the country that hasn’t invaded anybody with any real degree of success since 1950 (The 8th Army retreat doesn’t count, that was China). North Korea…third funny thing.

And the premise of the original only really worked out because at that point in time, the Soviet Union was still a juggernaut who a fair portion of Americans thought might actually drop the bomb any day now because they had nothing left to lose. Cuba and Nicaragua were really the only two Marxist powers in the West, but there’s no way they could have invaded independent of Soviet influence.

As for now, the only Marxist juggernaut left out there is China. Cuba’s got two Castros (one pushing ninety and the other five years younger) and a bunch of cars from the fifties, Venezuela has a potato-faced president who called Gadaffi “[A] great fighter, a revolutionary and martyr.”, and North Korea…well, that whole country is apparently run on a single potato battery. China’s the only real Communist threat out there, and I doubt they’ll attack directly because we buy all their cheaply made crap.

And now we come to the core reason that North Korea instead of China is attacking in the remake. China has more than four times the population of the United States and they like to watch movies over there, too. And what makes it worse, what pushes it over a line from confusing to downright racist is that all the changes they made were in post-production, consisting mostly of changing symbols from Chinese to North Korean. Because all Asians are the same, amirite? (Again, I am not right.) This is what the film’s producer said about the change:

“We were initially very reluctant to make any changes, but after careful consideration we constructed a way to make a scarier, smarter and more dangerous Red Dawn that we believe improves the movie”

BULL. FUCKING. SHIT. You changed the invading army from Chinese to North Korean because North Korea only has one movie theater, and it’s in Kim Jong-Un’s house.

It didn’t have to be like this. Here’s, in my mind, what should happen if you need a Communist enemy after the fall of Communism. ALTERNATE HISTORY DAT SHIT. Seriously. Set up a timeline where Communism never fell. Make the United State the sole holdout against a worldwide wave of Socialism. Because that’s how to make Communists scary again. They have to be poised for global conquest or it just doesn’t work. Hell, even the original Red Dawn started with a spoonful of alt-history, what with almost all of Western Europe withdrawing from NATO and a Communist revolution in Mexico. None of that happened in real life, but it does set up a world where it feels normal for Americans to be scared of the Soviets. Really, when you’re dealing with Communists, it’s kind of an all-or-nothing proposal. It’s got to be the Russian Bear or nothing.

Man, it felt good to bitch about a movie online again!



Current Events: Embassy Attacks & Mitt Romney

September 14, 2012

I’m going to start off with the attacks on the United States embassy and consulate, because that’s really the headline here. As you’re probably aware by now, late last Tuesday (this is local time, as far as the attacks are concerned) twelve protesters from a crowd of thousands scaled the walls of the United States embassy in Cairo, where they tore down the United States flag and raised a black one inscribed with the shahada. At ten P.M., an attack that has since come to be described as “al-Qaeda style” took place on the United States consulate in Benghazi, in which the US ambassador to Libya was killed, as were more than a dozen other diplomatic personnel.

It’s never easy to offer someone condolences on the death of a loved one. Especially in a situation like this, and with me in the position that I’m in. I’ve never had anyone come anywhere close to being in the line of fire like this, so I can’t even pretend to know what the families of the diplomats killed in these attacks are going through. But what I can say is this: These people who have been murdered so far away from home are some of the bravest people outside the military. They went to a foreign land to help an emerging democracy, and I can think of no better way to serve not only your country but all countries.

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Current Events: Todd Akin Controversy

August 24, 2012

I’m going to tell you right now, I did not intend for this to be its own post. See, I initially put this in the third part of my SimCity Retrospective, buuut, the segment started growing out of control the deeper down the rabbit hole I went. Also, being the second post in a week to lead off with political matters struck me as kind of bad form. So, SURPRISE, NEW CATEGORY!

Now, this segment is never going to get off the ground if I’m not up front with you. So, let my lay my cards on the table. I am a lifelong Democrat; I believe that government should, at the best of times be able to help people who need it while keeping everyone safe, and should at the worst of times just not screw up things to the point where it can’t be fixed. But above that, I believe that it is everyone’s right to hold their own opinion. It might not be mine, and I might disagree with it, but it’s your right as a person to hold it and to espouse it, in a civil and non-inflammatory way.

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Review: The Ugly Truth

April 9, 2012

Well, I suppose there’s no use in putting this off any longer. The Ugly Truth.

Katherine Heigl plays Abby Richter, the producer of a morning show in Sacremento, California. And you know what, before I even start I’d like to take a moment to remind everyone that this script was written by three women from a story written by one of them, and produced by Katherine Heigl and two of the screenplay writers. Just keep that in mind.

After a particularly disastrous cooking segment, Abby is called in by her boss. The morning show just isn’t getting the ratings they expect, and the network is considering dropping the show. But enough about her potentially being unemployed, we have to see her fail to find love through a combination of her date being a liar and her being controlling to the point where it gets a little creepy – not only did she do a background check, she brought it along with her! Oh, The Ugly Truth, I can tell you’re going to be a lighthearted comedy romp that won’t make me want to snap the disk over my knee.

She comes home after what can only be described the Hindenburg of dates where her cat turns on a show called “The Ugly Truth”, hosted by Mike Chadway, who is played by Gerard Butler. He’s a sexist asshole. No, I’m not joking. Mike Chadway suggests that the only things women need to get a man are a Stairmaster and fellatio.

Written by three women.

The next day, Abby shows up at work only to find that her boss has hired Mike on, based on the back-and-forth that they had the previous night. I’m going to speed through the rest of this, because I really want to be done with this review. To make a long story short, Abby takes Mike’s advice and ends up wooing the doctor she’d been going after, Mike learns that doctor Colin doesn’t like Abby for who she really is, she breaks up with him, and eventually gets together with Mike. Yes, the man who was introduced to us as a chauvinistic douchebag.

I’d like to list off why exactly this ending pisses me off.

  1. As it turns out, Mike isn’t a chauvinistic douchebag, he’s just hurt. Why? Why in the pus spewing blood-gutted HELL was this a plot point?! Just to point something out: not all dicks have been emotionally hurt, and the ones that have sure as shit can’t be fixed in a week. It would take years of therapy, and that’s if he isn’t being a dick for being a dick’s sake.
  2. If you’re going to pull the “kicked puppy” card, you have to play it a hell of a lot sooner than they did here. We’ve spent the majority of this movie hating Mike. You can’t just switch that kind of dislike off  with one scene. You might have had a chance after five minutes, but not after seventy-five.
  3. God bless Katherine Heigl in this movie. She is trying so hard to make a character that is pretty much every frat boy’s description of their controlling ex. I know I haven’t talked much about Abby, but Mike just pissed me off so much more.

In conclusion, I’m going to quote from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy entry on love: “Avoid, if at all possible.”


Review: What’s Your Number?

March 26, 2012

Well, this has been a productive fucking month, hasn’t it? I had intended for this to be the first of my video reviews, but things always kept coming up, not to mention the sudden wanderlust of my parents and their wanting to bring me along for the ride, and the corner I’d intended to reviews from was cluttered as hell, and I never got around to cleaning up, and I was kind of hoping for someone to throw out a halfway decent chair, and I turned into a lazy bastard in March, and I have little to no enthusiasm for the movies I picked, and it would just be unfeasible to get five reviews plus two impact recaps (three if you count the one that’s been sitting unedited on my hard drive for the past week or so) done while my father’s off for spring break, and the DVR isn’t working in either bedroom despite being a whole-house DVR, and the repair guy never showed today, and I want some iced tea, and I know you know I want it now.

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