Archive for the ‘Previews’ Category

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Coming Attractions: September 2012

September 5, 2012

Hey, you know what’s fun? Movie adaptations!

No, that’s a lie. But mocking bad ones is. So, Adaptation Month is go!

September 7th: Things kick off with a film thirty years in the making, about a secret service agent, his inventive friend, and the legless ex-Confederate with a giant mechanical spider they fight, Wild Wild West.

September 14th: Tom Arnold goes against Tim Curry in the month’s second feature, McHale’s Navy.

September 21st: We continue with a movie that I’ve heard some bad things about, The X-Files: Fight the Future.

September 28th: We finish out the month with another example of  a distinct lack of quality, and possibly the worst thing I’ve seen Christopher Lloyd in, My Favorite Martian.

Huh. Now that I think about it, all of those movies are from the late nineties. It’s almost as if that decade was the epicenter of suck for adaptations of TV shows.

You’ll also see a double review of Aces High, a World War II combat sim and Prisoner of War, a 2002 stealth game taking place in, of all places, a series of German POW camps, and the completion (for real this time) of my SimCity Retrospective.

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Coming Attractions: August 2012

August 3, 2012

I’ve noticed recently that the site has been kind of film heavy, so I’m devoting an entire month to some of gaming’s best.

August 3rd: The month kicks off with Grand Theft Auto IV, which is good because I finally managed to get it running on my machine.

August 10th: We continue on to the second biggest seller on the Game Boy, the original Pokémon series.

August 17th: Week three brings with it the transition to consoles, and the biggest selling game on the Super Nintendo, Super Mario World.

August 24th: SNESfest continues with a look back at a game that has been called one of the greatest fantasy games, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past.

August 31st: The month closes with an up-and-comer on the PC, Minecraft.

All that and the completion of the SimCity Retrospective ahead in August.

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Coming Attractions: July 2012

July 8, 2012

Seeing as this month has marked the 236th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence (or at least the final wording approved by the Second Continental Congress, but that’s a matter for another blog), so I have decided to take a look at some of the greatest cheesy action movies to come out of Hollywood during the 80s and 90s, with the greatest action stars from America, Austria, and Belgium.

First up, Commando, featuring Arnold “The Austrian Machine” Schwarzenegger and what could be the worst Stromtrooper firing syndrome ever seen outside of a Star Wars movie.

We then proceed to Rambo III, wherein Sylvester Stallone takes on communists in Afghanistan. It should be noted that this was 1988, and one year later the guards at the Berlin Wall decided that enough was enough and walked back home.

The nineties arrives with another Stallone epic, Demolition Man, wherein a cop from 1996 takes on a crime lord from 1996 in 2032. Also, Denis Leary for some reason.

And we finish out the month with the Jean-Claude Van Damme epic, Street Fighter, which may be known more for Raul Julia as M. Bison than anything.

All this and a look back at the SimCity series, this July on U62!

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Coming Attractions: June 2012

June 5, 2012

I hope everyone enjoyed Sequel Month; God knows I didn’t. And here’s something else I’m probably going to hate. For a couple of months now, I’ve been wondering what the appeal is of [adult swim]’s live-action series. So I’ve decided to find out.

June 8th: I take a look at Adult Swim’s latest live-action series, The Eric Andre Show, which seems aimed square at the Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job! style of comedy

June 10th: Another newcomer, Loiter Squad, which has been described as a combination of Jackass and Chappelle’s Show.

June 14th: I’ll be on vacation at Walt Disney World, so I’ll be covering a show I actually have a few episodes of on my computer, Delocated.

June 22nd: A rare, planned triple-feature, showcasing Children’s HospitalEagleheart, and NTSF:SD:SUV::, in the interest of getting this over with.

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Coming Attractions: May 2012

May 9, 2012

You know, after Shock Treatment wound up being pretty good, it got me thinking the past few days about the nature of sequels. It’s not unreasonable to think that a successful movie might get a follow-up, whether or not it feels warranted. And so, I’m making May sequel month.

March 11: As I mentioned in what would later turn out to be my 100th review, I am a fan of Eddie Murphy…most of the time. This is not one of those times, because Beverly Hills Cop III.

March 18: FlatOut3 proves that videogames can crank out crappy sequels just as well as movies can.

March 25th: Oh, National Lampoon. How you have fallen from the heady days of Christmas Vacation to making Van Wilder II: The Rise of Taj.

March 31st: We wrap up May with Driv3r, whose main character has been described by Rockstar Games as “[moving] like his bowels have let go.”

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Coming Attractions: April 2012 (for real!)

April 3, 2012

Yeah, that was a joke. I might be able to pull off a clip show with video, but it doesn’t work so well with written reviews. So I’ve decided to steal a page from Brad Jones and take on some awful horror comedies.

We begin this banquet of banal (alliteration is fun.) with Please Don’t Eat My Mother, a 1973 film that appears to have run off with the Little Shop Of Horrors script and a magic marker.

Next in our lineup is Motel Hell, a redneck take on Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.

We head into the home stretch with 1982’s Basket Case, centering around a hotel where evil lives. In a basket. And is a puppet.

And finally, we round out this cavalcade of caustic crap with 1981’s Shock Treatment, the failed followup to the much beloved and mocked Rocky Horror Picture Show.

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Coming Attractions: April 2012

April 1, 2012

Well, March didn’t go particularly well, so I’ve decided to build in some lag time to let me get back on track – a whole month’s worth. Now, you may be wondering how I’m going to do that while still having things posted. The answer is a simple one –  a crummy-ass clip show! That’s right, all month I’m going to be posting some of my personal favorite reviews from the last year or so.

Today: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas (Worms: Reloaded Review) – First Posted December 23, 2011

April 9: Review: Team Fortress 2 – First Posted September 27, 2011

April 16: Late August Clusterf**k Über-Review – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, The Fifth Element, Tycoon City: New York, Poker Night At the Inventory, Chrono Trigger – First Posted August 31, 2011

April 23: Review: Postal and Tunnel Rats – First Posted April 15, 2011

April 30: Review: Weird Science & Back to the Future – Episode I – First Posted January 28, 2011