Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

h1

Review: Street Fighter

July 31, 2012

Ohhh, boy.

I’m going to get this out of the way now for anyone who doesn’t know, but Street Fighter is a failure of a movie. It is terrible in it’s acting, and my God is it ever glorious. If Mystery Science Theater 3000 had a budget of infinity dollars, this is the kind of movie they would be doing. I don’t think I’ve ever had a better time watching a worse movie.

So, let’s jump right in. The fictional South East Asian nation of Shadaloo is ruled over by General M. Bison, a ruthless dictator who has captured several dozen aid workers. He demands a twenty million dollar ransom from the Allied Nations regional commander, Colonel William Guile of the United States Air Force, or he will kill the hostages and the world (in his words) will hold the Allied Nations responsible.

Read the rest of this entry ?

h1

Crummy Ass Clip Show! ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas (Worms: Reloaded Review)

April 1, 2012

First Posted: December 23, 2011

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a worm soldier was stirring, not even Lt. Krauss
The ammo sacks were hung by the fireplace with care
In hopes that exploding sheep soon would be there

The Privates were nestled all snug in their cots
While visions of petrol bombs danced in their thoughts
And I in my eye-shade and Cap in his cap
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap

When out by the walls there arose such a clatter
I sprang in my jetpack to see what was the matter
Away to the outpost I flew with a flash
Pulled off the gas cap and poured out the gas

For down by the wall in the full moon’s bright light
My eyes beheld a most terrible sight
A rusty jalopy was rambling by
Its rusty old trunk filled with supplies

The driver of course was Mr. Martyn Brown
A man whose name carried certain renown
“Worms: Reloaded for sale!” he cheerfully cried
“It’s just not that good,” I dejectedly sighed

“It’s just like the others, at much higher price,”
“Although, some new weapons are admittedly nice,”
“But the one-player campaign’s a pain in the ass,”
“The enemies never miss, it’s such a morass!”

These few comments had him seeing red
And steam very nearly shot out of his head
“This game was never meant to be played alone!”
“You play it with friends, online or in home!”

“Well then, why have one player mode at all,”
“If you mean for up to four players to brawl?”
“It’s not worth the money, play the others instead,”
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed.”

This seemed to confound him, for a moment he faltered
And then, in an instant, his expression had altered
He ran to his Gremlin and jumped in the seat
His head hung in shame, he realized his defeat

“Now three liter, now I6, now Borg-Werner manual,”
“On Goodyear, on drivetrain, on beloved water spaniel!”
“On to the highway! On to the road!”
“On to drop off this big, fat load!”

His tires just spun, and his car did fishtail
He pulled on the wheel, all to no avail
He caught traction and cried as he sped towards the well
“Merry Christmas to all, I shall see you in hell!”