Review: FlatOut 3

May 20, 2012

I’m not even sure where to start.

FlatOut 3 is one of the most frustrating games I’ve ever seen.

I am not even kidding about that. I have never been more tempted in my life to start pounding on my computer with a hammer. And believe me, some programs have had me pretty damn tempted to go get a hammer.

FlatOut 3 is ostensibly a racing game, but if I may be so direct, it’s more of a try-to-race-and-have-the-asshole-AI-wreck-you-and-after-three-runs-lasting-about-a-minute-each-throw-your-computer-off-a-third-floor-balcony game. So that’s the first major hitch – if you’re completely wrecked, you have to start a race over, despite the game letting you respawn at 50% health. It’s a system almost scientifically designed to make the player flip over their table in rage. In fact, I believe I have a picture.

And on the subject of the AI, I am willing to praise it. For example, in the demolition derby portion, the AI accurately simulates what human players would be doing if allowed to play online: fuck around and do whatever. I’m willing to call this the easiest of the segments, because the objective is to do damage to other players and occasionally pull off sweet jumps.

Offroad is pretty much the same as standard racing, except that you don’t know where anything is and you’re competing for points with your standing giving you a multiplier.

But, there’s still the graphics to consider, and honestly, they’re pretty good, all things considered. The scenery porn of these locations is marred only by the fact that there’s a dark outline on the edge of the screen, and also because these places are horrible for natural beauty. The first place you race is an abandoned suburb in Detroit, the new face of urban decay (If you live in Detroit, I mean no offense. I know the city is slowly coming back, but the way the city is portrayed in the game, it’s one dead Peter Weller away from becoming Delta City).

So, in conclusion, fuck this shit forever and always.


One comment

  1. I’ve had this problem with the first two, I feel (though it also wasn’t helped by the shoddy controller support before the remake). I guess that hasn’t changed despite the handover to a different developer. :\

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