Review: The Love Guru

December 17, 2011

First off, the Philippine island of Mindanao has been hit by a tropical storm. So far, more than four hundred people are confirmed dead and another four hundred are currently missing. We pray that all of the missing will be found alive and well, but in the meantime, the Philippine Red Cross is working on relief efforts. You can donate at http://www.redcross.org.ph/donate.

So…the Love Guru. The likely explanation of why I haven’t seen much of Mike Meyers in film recently.

Let’s get a little backstory on this: In 2008, Michael Meyers was at the high point of his career. He’s just come off the third Shrek movie and a holiday special, and he’s on top of the world. And then, The Love Guru happened.

I actually missed the first half-hour of this movie, possibly due to subconsciously not wanting to watch it. The first thing that happens that I see? Mike Meyers being attacked by a rooster. And then having a martial arts fight with a French-Canadian. From what I understand, the titular Love Guru is trying to reunite a black hockey player with his wife.

You know what, I can call this one here. The only time a movie hurt me like this was Postal, and I sat through…most of that. I only made it through the second half of the first hour. I like to try to give a movie a chance, but this is just…just godawful. I’m not going to say right now that it’s the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but it is a very strong contender. I’d like to blame a lot of this on the script – I really would. But honestly, Mike Meyers is fucking terrible in this movie (God, I never thought I’d ever type those words). Every word out of his mouth is painful, and the vast majority of them are crude jokes about bodily functions and parts. In fact, there’s really only one part of the movie I actually enjoyed: Sportscaster Stephen Colbert. Not even Aasif Mandvi, Daniel Tosh, John Oliver, and a Beatles song could redeem this movie, something I know for a fact because all of them are in it. I’m going to go take a shower now and wash this movie off.



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